You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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