I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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