I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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