It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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