Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
