Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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