oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
