Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
