hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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