I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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