I'm sorry my penis didn't work
handjob tips. give me some.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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