It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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