Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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