I never want to see another naked old woman again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
