Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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