All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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