If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
