I wish i was in the wii world.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
