and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
