so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
