this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize