need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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