Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
