How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
