i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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