so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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