So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
