a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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