Will you blow on my dice?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
