he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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