Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
