Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
