I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
