I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
