I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
