I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize