I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize