I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
