I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
