The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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