it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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