sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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