Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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