we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
