Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
