Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
