ugly people sure do ruin things
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
