I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry