Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.