WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.