I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.