your parents love me but you hate me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
