margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
