Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
