Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
