I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.