He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around