youre lurking in front of me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.