You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.