I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.