I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY