Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
