fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize