were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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