Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
