Im at strip club and am horny
People in love make me want to vomit
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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