if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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