After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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