well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
