I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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