She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
