So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
