Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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