remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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